Sometime it’s hard to be mature, calm and graceful. Well…. most times in my case.
I did well today though… these are the things I did not say:
“No, you don’t understand, please go away”
“You have no fucking idea, don’t hug me, go away”
“I’m too tired to explain, and I don’t give a shit what you read in the news. Whatever I say, you won’t understand, go away”
Instead I smiled and thanked well-meaning people who all are “very sorry about what’s happening in Lebanon and in Syria”.
The thing is, these are genuinely nice people, and relatively well informed, and I really wish I could be nicer to them but it’s exhausting. And they don’t understand. How could they understand. Nice, politically-correct people with solid smiles and positive attitudes.
Tonight, I just want to finish my bottle of wine, be angry, and say outrageous, violent, and hateful things. The world can kiss my ass.
Where do you go when you’re angry?
When you’re sorry you can’t be part of the solution, because you don’t know how.
When you’re afraid that next time you go home, people you need and places you love won’t be there anymore.
I don’t mind that much when I’m in Lebanon. But it’s impossible not to worry when you’re not there.