Strawberry tart and a letter to 12 year-old me

I don’t know if it already started, maybe soon, maybe last year, but just in case you don’t know yet my darling, shit is about to hit the fan.

Everything will hurt. It will last a very long time.
You’re about to be hurt for a thousand years.

You wanted something else, and you wanted more, but what I know, and what you don’t know yet, is that it’s gonna be fine anyway.

And how I wish I could tell you…

Don’t listen to them, to the parents and teachers and friends who will stab your brain with their tolerant smiles, uncomfortable silences and absurd chuckles as they tell you time will fix you.
You are not broken.
I can see they already told you that time will smooth out your edges; turn your angles into soft and manageable curves.
Baby they are dead wrong, I promise you, they are wrong.
You are fine, you are great, you are GRAND as they say here. Your edges are ok, your principles don’t need compromise.
And their words, they are poison.

How I wish you already knew that there is nothing they can teach you.
I know you’re already not listening to me, that you’re letting them break you, and that it’ll take another decade to undo all the harm they’ve done.

The good news is that you are stronger than you think (and other things Winnie the Pooh says); strong enough for me to find you again, so many years later, and now it’s ok. That’s the one promise I can make.

Listen to Bikini Kill, Listen to them a lot more, try to understand that what you have is strong, that you can happen to people and things, just as much as people and things will happen to you.
Stay kind, it does not make you stupid. Don’t let them make you so hard.
Don’t let them tell you your lipstick is tacky, your hair unkempt, your t-shirt too childish.
Don’t let them bully you into smiling when you don’t want to.
Don’t let them zombie you to death.

Would you listen to me if I kicked you in the face?
Probably not.

You will listen to them, and do as they say.
And it will not fix you, and it will not make you sane.
Because you are not broken, and because you are ok.

Then again, maybe it’s meant to be. How else are you supposed to learn?
At least you will learn, you will learn so much.

But all these years lost, it still makes me a little bit sad.
You like Strawberry tart. You like eating all the strawberries first. Only after that can you go for the cream beneath it, making sure its all gone before biting into the pastry base that you like to eat dry.

But that’s a silly way to eat! People stare, and they ask with a stupid sneer: “What’s the use of a tart then? if you’re eating each ingredient alone!”

I used to know but I don’t anymore, you haven’t had a strawberry tart in 17 years.


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